What is betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you depend upon for safety, attachment, and trust violates that trust through infidelity, sexual addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, chronic deception, pornography use, emotional affairs, financial betrayal, or other forms of relational betrayal. Many betrayed partners experience symptoms that resemble post-traumatic stress, including intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, emotional flooding, difficulty concentrating, and a loss of trust in themselves and others. Betrayal trauma is an expected and normal response to a significant attachment injury.
What services do you provide?
I provide trauma-informed coaching, psychoeducation, and support for:
- Betrayed partners
- Couples
- Individuals struggling with compulsive sexual behavior
- Families affected by addiction and relational trauma
- Teens and young adults coping with family instability
- Therapeutic separation and re-habitation planning
- Formal therapeutic disclosure (FTD) preparation
- Boundaries and safety planning
- Recovery and accountability coaching
My work combines education, practical tools, individualized protocols & plans, structured exercises, and evidence-based recovery principles.
Are you a licensed therapist?
No. I am an APSATS-trained coach, betrayal trauma specialist, educator, published author, and trainer. I hold a master's degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and have more than 30 years of experience supporting individuals, couples, and families. I provide coaching, psychoeducation, guidance, and support. I do not diagnose mental health conditions or provide psychotherapy.
What is APSATS?
APSATS stands for the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. APSATS is a professional organization that developed one of the leading trauma-informed approaches for working with individuals and couples impacted by infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma. Historically, many betrayed partners were viewed through a codependency lens and were often encouraged to focus primarily on their own shortcomings or contributions to relationship problems. APSATS shifted the field by recognizing that betrayed partners experience a legitimate trauma response to deception, broken trust, and attachment injury.
APSATS developed the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM), which emphasizes:
- Safety and stabilization
- Nervous system regulation
- Restoring personal agency
- Boundary development
- Accurate psychoeducation
- Self-trust and identity restoration
- Understanding the impact of chronic deception and integrity abuse
The APSATS model asks, "What happened to the betrayed partner, and what immediate support do they need to heal?"
This approach has helped thousands of betrayed partners feel understood, validated, and supported during one of the most painful experiences a person can face.
How is coaching different from therapy?
Therapy generally focuses on diagnosing and treating mental health conditions. Coaching focuses on education, skill-building, goal achievement, accountability, practical tools, and helping clients move forward with clarity and confidence. Many clients work with both a therapist and a coach as part of a comprehensive support team.
Do you accept insurance?
No. I don’t participate in insurance networks and cannot bill insurance directly for services. However, upon request, I can provide a detailed statement (sometimes called a superbill or service receipt) that you may submit to your insurance company, Health Savings Account (HSA), Flexible Spending Account (FSA), or other reimbursement program. Reimbursement policies vary widely, so I encourage you to contact your insurance provider directly to determine whether any portion of your services may qualify for reimbursement. Many clients choose coaching because it offers greater privacy, flexibility, individualized support, and freedom from diagnostic requirements required for insurance reimbursement.
If cost is a concern, we’ll discuss available options during your initial free 15-minute consultation.
Do you work with both betrayed partners and betraying partners?
Yes. I work with:
- Betrayed partners
- Individuals seeking recovery from compulsive sexual behavior
- Couples attempting reconciliation
- Couples pursuing clarity or separation
- Family members impacted by addiction and betrayal
Do you work with couples?
Yes. Couples coaching focuses on:
- Establishing stabilization and emotional safety
- Development of communication skills
- Recovery planning
- Rebuilding trust
- Disclosure (FTD) preparation
- Implementing healthy boundaries
- Transparency agreements
- Relational repair
Do you work in person?
Yes. I meet with clients and groups in person at my office in Holly Springs, North Carolina (Mondays and Friday evenings). I also offer virtual sessions for clients throughout the United States and internationally.
Do you offer support groups?
Yes. I offer both virtual and in-person support groups. Topics include:
- Betrayal trauma recovery
- Boundaries
- Emotional regulation
- Relationship healing
- Communication skills
- Shame and self-compassion
- Recovery education
- Identity restoration
My virtual women’s betrayal trauma support group meets every Wednesday at 12:00 PM Eastern Time (via Zoom). Contact me to join: angie@rebuildingrelationships.org.
Group Fees
Zoom group: $40 per 90-minute session you attend
In-person (Holly Springs, NC): $50 per 90-minute session you attend
ALL groups include:
- Evidence-based psychoeducation
- Experiential exercises
- Discussion and connection with other women who get it
- Handouts, workbooks, and other tools & resources
Can a relationship recover after infidelity?
Yes. Many relationships do recover following infidelity and other forms of betrayal. However, recovery requires far more than promises, apologies, or simply “moving on.” Successful recovery typically involves:
- Full accountability
- Honesty and transparency
- Consistent recovery work
- Empathy development
- Trust-building behaviors
- Healthy boundaries
- Time
Not every relationship survives betrayal, but many emerge stronger, healthier, and more authentic when both partners are committed to the process.
Can you help me decide whether to stay or leave?
Yes, but I won't make that decision for you. One of the deepest wounds of betrayal is losing trust in your own judgment. My role is to help you regain clarity, stabilize your nervous system, understand your options, and reconnect with your own wisdom so you can make decisions from a grounded place rather than fear or pressure.
How do I rebuild trust after betrayal?
Trust is rebuilt through consistent behavior, not promises! Over time, trust grows when actions repeatedly match words. Key ingredients:
- Radical honesty
- Transparency
- Accountability
- Reliability
- Empathy
- Recovery work
- Follow-through
Trust is not rebuilt by forcing forgiveness; it’s rebuilt by creating enough safety that trust can naturally begin to return.
What is therapeutic disclosure?
A full therapeutic disclosure (FTD) is a structured process in which the betraying partner/addict provides a complete and honest account of relevant betrayal behaviors within a professionally guided framework. I’m certified through Dan Drake and Janice Caudill’s FTD course for professionals.
A properly conducted disclosure reduces confusion, decreases ongoing discoveries, and provides a foundation for informed decision-making and healing.
What is integrity abuse?
Integrity abuse (see Dr. Omar Minwalla’s work) occurs when deception, omission, manipulation, gaslighting, half-truths, minimization, DARVO, or secret-keeping interfere with a person's ability to accurately understand reality. Many betrayed partners report that the deception itself causes as much (or more) damage than the hidden behaviors.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes someone to question their perceptions, memories, intuition, or reality. Examples include:
- Denying things that occurred
- Rewriting history
- Minimizing concerns
- Blaming the injured partner for “noticing” problems
- Suggesting someone is "crazy," "too sensitive," or "imagining things"
Over time, gaslighting erodes self-trust.
What are healthy boundaries after betrayal?
Healthy boundaries are actions you take to protect your physical, emotional, relational, financial, and psychological well-being. Boundaries are not punishments or attempts to control another person. Boundaries help restore personal agency and self-respect.
Should we start couples therapy immediately after discovery?
Not necessarily. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is immediately entering traditional couples therapy. Immediately after discovery, many betrayed partners experience acute trauma symptoms, while the betraying partner/addict may still be minimizing, withholding information, or struggling with accountability. Early recovery is best focused on stabilization, safety, education, and recovery work before engaging in deeper relational repair.
How do I know if my partner is genuinely in recovery?
Recovery is demonstrated through behavior, not words. Signs of genuine recovery often include:
- Consistent transparency & honesty
- Accountability (without defensiveness)
- Increased empathy
- Willingness to answer questions
- Transparency (without being forced or pressured)
- Professional ongoing support (therapy, coaching, support groups, meetings…)
- Ownership of harm caused
- Behavioral consistency over time
What if I don't know whether my partner has an addiction?
You don’t need a diagnosis to seek support! If you are experiencing secrecy, deception, broken trust, manipulation, gaslighting, repeated boundary violations, or chronic confusion, support WILL be helpful.
Do you work with pornography-related betrayal?
Yes. Many betrayed partners experience significant trauma following the discovery of pornography use, compulsive sexual behavior, online affairs, emotional affairs, or secret sexual behaviors.
How does pornography impact relationships?
Research consistently shows that pornography use negatively impacts relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, trust, and attachment security, particularly when use is secretive, compulsive, or violates agreed-upon relationship boundaries. Pornography use is associated with increased relationship distress, decreased trust, greater emotional disconnection, and a higher likelihood of infidelity-related attitudes and behaviors, making it a significant attachment injury.
How do I stop obsessing after betrayal?
What you label “obsessing” is your brain attempting to restore safety after a traumatic experience. Intrusive thoughts, replaying events, searching for answers, and hypervigilance are common trauma responses. Healing involves:
- Nervous system regulation
- Trauma education
- Boundaries
- Emotional processing
- Supportive relationships
- Rebuilding self-trust
The goal is to create enough safety that you mentally don’t have to stay on “high alert.”
What is a therapeutic separation?
A therapeutic separation is a structured, intentional separation designed to create safety, clarity, accountability, and healing. Therapeutic separations include clear goals, agreements, communication guidelines, financial expectations, recovery requirements, and timelines. The purpose is to create enough space for healthy decision-making.
Can betrayal trauma affect physical health?
Absolutely. Many betrayed partners report symptoms such as the following:
- Sleep disruption
- Panic attacks
- Digestive issues
- Appetite changes
- Fatigue
- Headaches
- Muscle tension
- Increased anxiety
- Difficulty concentrating
- Elevated stress levels
What if my partner refuses help?
You can still begin your own healing. Many clients begin recovery before their partner seeks support. Your healing doesn’t need to wait for someone else's willingness to change.
Do you work with teenagers and adult children affected by betrayal?
Yes. Family members are impacted by addiction, infidelity, secrecy, conflict, separation, and divorce. I provide age- and developmentally appropriate education, guidance, and support for parents, teens, and adult children navigating these challenges.
What can I expect during our first session?
Our first session focuses on understanding your situation, identifying your biggest challenges, assessing safety and stabilization needs, and creating an initial plan. Please show up exactly as you are.
Do you assign homework?
Yes. Depending on your situation, homework may include:
- Journaling exercises
- Boundaries work
- Daily nervous system regulation practices
- Communication activities
- Reading assignments
- Recovery tools
- Safety planning
- Personalized worksheets and protocols
My clients find that structured exercises accelerate growth and clarity between sessions.
Is everything confidential?
Yes. I take client privacy very seriously and maintain strict confidentiality regarding coaching relationships, subject to applicable laws and ethical obligations.
How long does healing take?
Every situation is different, and healing is a non-linear process. Most people experience significant improvement within a few months when they focus on stabilization, education, support, boundaries, and consistent recovery work.
What if I feel completely broken?
Many people arrive feeling confused, exhausted, hypervigilant, ashamed, angry, numb, or hopeless. What you’re experiencing is a normal response to profound relational injury. You don’t have to rebuild alone.
How do I get started?
The easiest place to begin is by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation to see if we are a great match. Together, we'll determine whether my services are a good fit for your needs and discuss the next best step for your unique situation.